


It's a Blur, but You're Here

by seescape



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mild Language, Pining, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-10-14 02:49:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17500151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seescape/pseuds/seescape
Summary: Seungcheol has been in love with Minghao for a long time - this crushing, seemingly permanent weight that won't leave him. He loves being in love with Minghao, but the one thing he hates about it is that he's the only one in love. Seungcheol hasn't had the courage to tell him or anyone else about his feelings. He almost thinks it will be his secret forever until some of the members begin to find out on their own and make it their mission to help him form a romance with Hao.





	1. All Alone I Depend On Time

**Author's Note:**

> This is literally my first fic so it's probably really shitty, but I wanted to post it anyways since there's not very many out there. It's also purely self indulgent. There is a severe lack of CheoIHao content in this world. It's a shame because I love their dynamic and their moments are always really sweet. I don't know how long I'm going to make this fic or where exactly it's going but I'm a sucker for a happy ending. I have a lot more written but I'm only posting the first chapter for now.

Watching Hao dance or slurp down noodles or laugh that tiny giggle that's so inherently his own has become a torturous pastime for Seungcheol. Simple things like drinking wine and talking with Mingyu or whispering something in Juns ear...it was just all too much and not enough all at the same time. 

Everything about Hao spoke to him in this alluring yet subtle way, it was like home wrapped in this new exciting wrapper that he had never seen before, that he didn’t even know existed. This insane combination of familiarity and awe. 

Cheol had always been invested in his relationship and care for all the members being their leader. And, of course, he was very close with his fellow 95 liners, Jeonghan and Joshua, as all the members tended to be with those who shared the same age. 

But with Hao it had never really made any sense. The kid was two years younger than him. He came here from China barely able to hold a conversation, the last member to join Seventeen. 

And yet even with his big eyes and fluffy hair and wiry limbs it was like...like Cheol had been waiting for him to get there ever since trainee days. Cheol had thought he was stunning even then. And Hao had grown and changed so much. He had grown into himself. He was bold and brave and assertive but also undeniably shy and unsure of himself sometimes. 

He was an endearing set of contradictions. Hao was stunning. Again and again that's all he could think. His dancing, his fashion, his voice, his beauty, his body. He was so alarmingly mature and yet still never relinquished his hold on being a dongsaeng. All of it came together and made this amazing and intrinsic piece of Seventeen. 

Minghao was stunning. 

And Cheol knew that he was in deep shit. 

For however much Hao cared about Cheol, and Cheol knew Hao did, Minghao’s first thought when looking at Cheol would never be a resoundant ‘he’s stunning’. It burned and yet made sense all at the same time, just like Minghao himself. 

For all he babies and cared for the members, Minghao would always and forever be different. Because Cheol for the first time wanted something in return. More than his friendship and company, more than his effort and contribution to the group and media and fans. He wanted something solely and irreversibly for himself. Something that Minghao could never possibly give him. 

Cheol couldn’t even berate himself for feeling this way about him, because again it was Hao and it just made sense. 

He was stunning.

Seungcheol had been in the middle of that particular crisis for a while now. But another, abysmal sized crisis had arisen and Seungcheol was in deeper shit than he knew how to handle. 

Jeonghan knew. 

Cheol was shaking and didn’t know how to stop. It had been maybe two years since Cheol realized what exactly he felt about Minghao. He had guarded his heart and repelled his instincts with all he had and yet it was still a surprise that no one suspected anything until now. 

And, of course, it would be Jeonghan. 

“Cheolie.” 

Jeonghan’s voice was soft as he wrapped his fingers around Seungcheol’s wrist and squeezed. “You have to talk to me. Wouldn’t that feel better - to talk about it?” 

Cheol breathed out shakily. “You don’t understand, Hannie. I’m scared, really scared and really fucked.” 

He swallowed. “How long?” 

“A long time. Maybe since the beginning.” 

“No one else knows?”

He shook his head adamantly, “No.”

“You-you’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

He finally met Jeonghan’s eyes and nodded. Cheol’s own eyes were wet and his hands hadn’t stopped shaking. “Hannie, I’ve never felt this in my life. This all consuming pressure right here,” he points to his chest, “to just be there next to him always, to...touch him and love him and more than all of that is this...this longing for him to want to do the same to me, with me. And that’s the worst part of it. It’s-it’s so one sided, Hannie.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me, at least?” he whispered.

“I couldn’t tell anyone. I just, I didn’t know how you or anyone would react and I don’t want him to find out. I can’t risk losing him in whatever way I have him now.” 

“Hao loves you. We all love you. We would never turn from you for something you have no control over. Something that is perfectly fine and normal, Cheol. We don’t choose who we fall in love with and we can’t makes ourselves fall out of it. These things just happen.”

“I appreciate that, Hannie. I really do. But I just...what do I do?”

“I think you should woo Hao.”

Cheol choked before exclaiming, “You what?!”

A laugh snuck out of him. “You know I always noticed that you were really soft for Myungho, more so than anyone else, like he was your baby. But I didn’t realize that it was this, I mean you’re soft with Channie, too. I didn’t see it until I saw your face when Hao and Junnie came back from China yesterday and it was like he was the center of your world. Your eyes almost never left him and when he hugged you, your face...your hands lingered when he pulled away and there was just desire written all over you and I couldn’t believe how stupid I had been, all of us, not to have seen it.” 

Cheol ran a hand over his face before sighing, “I try to hide it.” 

“Maybe you shouldn’t. Maybe Hao could return your feelings. You know - Hao’s really soft for you, too. He adores you, respects you, thinks you’re crazy talented.”

“Yes, I know all of these things too,” he tries to say without getting agitated. “But what you’re describing is how any of us feel about each other. It’s not...not anything like what I feel for Hao.”

Jeonghan sighs, “I know that, Cheol, but you have to start somewhere. You’ve never let Hao in on how you feel. Yes, he knows you really like him and like to take care of him etc., but what if you made sure he saw the way you looked at him and that he really felt it when you touched him? He’s never gonna return your feelings if he doesn’t even think there’s any there.”

“But- if he really could love me - love me like that, wouldn’t he have already? Like I did?”

Jeonghan shrugs, “Everyone’s different, Cheol. And who knows, maybe he does and he just doesn’t know it yet.” 

Cheol scowled, “This is a bad idea. You always have bad ideas.”

He smirked, “Then why are you considering it?” 

He sighed, “Because I’m in love and desperate.”

Jeonghan laughed, “Okay, then. Project Get-Minghao-to-Fall-in-Love-With-You commences now. Don’t worry, I’ll be with you every step of the way.”


	2. I Want to Cherish Our Warmth

Cheol hears the equivalent of a stampede as a herd of his members enter the dorms. Many of the younger ones went out together after dance practice. 

Mingyu and Seungkwan are the first through the door arguing loudly about something most likely irrelevant. Seokmin and Soonyoung follow them, hysterically laughing as was par for the course for them. Minghao and Vernon came last. Hao was showing him something on his camera, looking soft and sleepy.

Once Seungcheol’s eyes found Hao they tended to stay there for a little while. 

Hao was dressed in black runners and a purple shirt. He still had his headband on from when they were practicing choreography. His black hair was slightly pushed out of his eyes as a result. His hair had gotten so long. He looked older. 

“Hey, guys.” Cheol says. 

A long chorus of “Hey, hyung” greeted him before they continued on with their chatter, ignoring him. He rolled his eyes before grabbing his drink from the kitchen and making his exit. 

That is until he was halted by Jeonghan who gave him a steely glare before flicking his eyes in Minghao’s direction. Cheol could almost feel the sweat collecting on the back of his neck. He sent Hannie a pleading look before Jeonghan groaned and walked forward. 

“Hao,” he sang sweetly. 

Hao looked up from where he had been glaring at Mingyu who was poking him in the arm. “Yes, Hyungie?” 

Jeonghan smiles, “Could you open 8 Bar and get me a glass of wine for Shua? I would really appreciate it.” 

Hao grinned very cutely, “Of course, hyung.” He began walking, gesturing him to follow.

Jeonghan turned, pushing Seungcheol after Minghao who led them to his bedroom door. 

“Hannie, I hope you know what you’re doing,” Cheol muttered. 

Jeonghan pushed Cheol through the door after Hao went inside. “Trust me, Cheolie.”

Hao glanced back at them, “Anything specific in mind, Hannie hyung?” 

Jeonghan just replies, “You know what he likes.”

Hao scoffed and poured from a bottle of his choice into one of many wine glasses placed on an upper shelf. He passed it over to him with a soft smile, “There you go, Hyung.”

“Thanks, Myungho. I wish I could stay but Joshua needs me. You should make Coups drink some though. He’s most likely going to need it.” He saunters out of the room with a suggestive wink thrown in Cheol’s direction. Cheol fights to keep the frown off his face.

Hao is looking after Jeonghan in exasperation and slight confusion before sighing. He looks over at Cheol. Their eyes meet and an involuntary shiver travels up and down Cheol’s spine. “Would you like some, hyung?” he asked. His voice was so soft. 

Cheol straightened his shoulders and felt a wave of determination pass over him. “I’m actually okay, Hao. Why don’t you get some for yourself? You can tell me about your day.” 

Hao grinned. He really was unfairly cute. “Really, hyung? You don’t have to be anywhere?”

He shook his head with a smile, “You’re all that’s on my mind today, Hao.” 

A soft laugh left him as he poured himself a drink before relaxing back on his bed. He glanced up through his lashes as he took a sip before patting the space beside him. “You can sit, Hyung.”

A not so innocent shiver passed through him then. He sat next to him, his thigh pressing into Hao’s. “So, what all did you do?”

“Me and Mingyu of course took photos. We uploaded some of them to our instas. We all went to a cafe, too. That’s pretty much it.” 

“You had fun though?”

“Of course. I always have fun when I’m with my members.” 

Coups feels a warmth settle in him. He feels terribly fond. 

“I tried to get Junnie hyung to go but he’s been stuck playing this game on his phone for about a week now.”

Coups hummed in agreement, “Yeah, I saw him playing it just a while ago.”

Hao laughed, “Yeah. Mingyu and I also had a battle to see who could take the best picture of Vernon. I think I obviously won but of course Mingyu’s ego is as big as himself.”

Cheol gave a loud surprised burst of laughter at that. Hao smiled at him before draining his glass and bending over to place his glass on the floor. His shirt rode up just a little, showing a small strip of bronze and the V of his hip when he twisted to slip his headband off his head and toss it on the side table. He ran a hand through his hair. “Do you want to see?” 

“S-see what?”

Hao looked at him before yawing, “The pictures of Vernon?” 

“Oh, sure.”

He grabbed the camera and scooted back beside him. He showed him the display and…”Yeah, I think Mingyu’s ego is going to take a Mingyu-sized blow.” 

Hao gave a delighted giggle before dipping his head to rest it on Cheol’s shoulder, nuzzling his cheek into his neck as if it were a pillow. This delicious warmth swept through him at the action and he wrapped an arm around Hao to make him more comfortable.

“What about you, hyung?” 

Seungcheol hummed, “What about me?”

“What did you do today?”

Again, he was so incredibly fond and warm. It was this level of comfort and giddiness he had never experienced before with anyone but Hao. “Not much. I had lunch, visited Jihoon in the studio, talked to Hannie, had to go over next weeks schedule. That’s about it. Other than missing you, of course.” 

He couldn’t deny that there was an almost equal measure of nervousness and delight in saying the last. Hao just laughed softly before slipping an arm around Cheol’s waist and squeezing, “So sweet, Hyung.” Cheol could hear the grin in his voice. 

Cheol didn’t think he could stop now that he had started, and for the first time since agreeing to this, didn’t see any danger in continuing. “What about you? Did you miss me, Hao?” 

Hao was still smiling, “No, hyung. I didn’t miss you at all.”

Cheol laughed and pinched his arm, making him whine a long drawn out, “Hyung”. 

When Cheol stopped laughing, Minghao leaned almost too close, his mouth near Cheol’s ear and said, “I always miss you, hyung.” 

Cheol tried to hide it but there was a little hitch in his breath as he turned and met Minghao’s eyes. His face was so close and he couldn’t bear to look away. Almost without his volition, his eyes drifted over his eyebrows, his lashes, his nose, and down to his lips. 

“Hao, I need to-” 

Cheol jumped as a loud “Myungho!” was shouted through the door, followed by a banging on the wood. It was Hoshi, screaming, “Mingyu wants you!” 

Hao rolled his eyes, “Okay, coming!” Footsteps faded off and then there was silence as Hao turned back to him with a soft expression, “What were you going to say, hyung?” 

Cheol swallows, “It’s nothing. You should go see what Mingyu wants.” 

Minghao nods, “Okay, hyung. I’ll see you later.” He squeezes him again before pulling away and jumping up from the bed, swinging the door open and walking out on long legs. 

It takes a minute before Seungcheol has the strength to stand. 

***

That night Seungcheol has a dream not unlike any he’s had before. Although this one, he has to admit, was far more intense and realistic. 

Cheol likes to think he’s mostly soft when it comes to the basis of his feelings. But he’s almost ashamed at the abundance of dirty thoughts he has about Minghao sometimes, especially when they coalesce into these wet dreams that leave him dazed and horny and pining when he wakes up in the morning. 

The dream started out exactly the same as yesterday. Him and Minghao were sitting on Hao’s bed, wrapped up in each other’s arms, leaning on each other, as Cheol asks in almost a whisper, “Did you miss me too, Hao?” 

Except this time when Minghao says that he always misses Cheol, his leg is swung over Cheol’s thighs as he sits directly on top of Cheol’s crotch. 

Hao wraps his arms around his neck and Cheol’s hands fall to his waist, gripping on firmly. Hao tells him that he always misses him in this soft seductive whisper right in his ear, his body pressed completely against his. And because of this, he feels it immediately when Hao begins to shift on top of him, moving along the bulge already prominent in Seungcheol’s pants. He moves in these gentle back and forth motions, fingertips pressing into Cheol’s shoulders, slipping under his shirt. 

Seungcheol is about to spontaneously combust because Minghao, stunning, gorgeous, the love of his life, Minghao is in his lap and enthusiastically grinding on him. 

“Hyung,” Hao whines, his voice all too needy and breathy as he buries his face in Cheol’s neck, increasing his pace. 

Cheol can feel Hao grow hard against him and Cheol thinks his dick might actually fall off. 

And with that thought, he loses all control and grips Hao’s hips before thrusting up against him as Hao grinds down and it is complete bliss. It feels so good and he’s wanted it for so long that an embarrassingly loud moan leaves him and Hao’s nails dig into his back in response. 

Cheol continues to grind up against him, kissing down his neck. Cheol feels like weeping and coming and fucking the daylights out of Minghao all at the same time. Minghao’s hands slide down from his shoulders, dragging across his chest until they reach his waistline. 

An obscene groan leaves him as Hao unbuttons his pants and snakes his hands inside, wrapping around his cock, which is painfully hard at this point. Cheol’s head falls back against the wall and his breaths become heavy as Hao raises his head back to look down into Cheol’s face. 

Cheol almost comes right there and then at the sight. Minghao’s black hair is falling into his lidded eyes, his lips are wet and parted and he looks beautiful and sexy as hell and his hands feel so good on him. Their eyes meet as Hao bites his lip and Cheol is about to lean in---

“Seungcheol!” 

Cheol groaned, eyes fluttering open. He’s distinctly in his own bed, very much alone and awake. The only thing he can see that shares any similarity with the dream is the raging boner he’s sporting.

“Why?” he groans out. Jeonghan is standing at the foot of his bed, staring down at him amused and evil. “I was dreaming, Hannie.” 

Jeonghan scoffed, “I can tell from the drool and morning wood. You and Myungho must have been having a fairly good time, huh?” He smirked. 

He flipped off Jeonghan, “Get out, I gotta take a shower.”

Jeonghan laughed, “You want me to get Hao to meet you in there? Maybe he wouldn’t mind helping you get off.” 

“Hao wouldn’t mind what?” An incredulous voice asked. They both whipped around to see Jihoon standing there with raised brows. 

“Nothing,” Cheol spits out. If anything Woozi looks more confused. 

Jeonghan just says, “Close the door.”

“What! I’m not telling anyone else, Jeonghan. This is between you and me.”

“Oh, please, Shua already knows.” 

“What?!”

“Did you really expect me to keep this from him?”

A breath leaves him savagely, “Just shut the door, Woozi.”

“Okaaay.” The door closes. “So what’s going on?”

Cheol slowly looks up, “I’m in love with Minghao.” 

He doesn’t give a shit anymore. He’s far from ashamed of the fact. The only reason he wasn’t anymore outright or obvious about his feelings was because he didn’t want Minghao to find out. And now this whole plan is to reveal it to him, so what does he have to lose? 

Woozi blinks rapidly, “Wow. I really wasn’t expecting, well, that.” He blinks again, “Now that you say it, though, it kind of does make sense, you and Hao. How did I not figure this out? For how long?”

Seungcheol releases a breath, “A long ass time. Don’t beat yourself up about it, Jeonghan just found out. He convinced me to let him help make Hao fall in love with me.”

He raises a brow, “This is Jeonghan hyung’s plan?”

Cheol cringes, “I know. I must really be a desperate bastard.” 

Jeonghan interjected delightedly, “Who’s having wet dreams about sweet little Myungho.” He wore a wicked smile. 

Jihoon whistled, “And Hao has no idea how you feel?” 

“No, and you’re not gonna tell him.”

Woozi slowly nodded, “Deal, I won’t. But count me in. I’ll do whatever you guys need me to do. Within reason.”

Cheol softened and smiled, “Thanks, Woozi.” He cleared his throat, “But right now guys, I need both of you to get the fuck out so I can take a shower and take care of this.” He waved a hand at his still very obvious boner. They both laughed and wore signs of fake disgust as they left and shut the door, leaving Cheol stumbling for the bathroom.

After taking a longer than average shower, he finds the rest of the members rushing to shower and dress before the cars come to take them to the dance studio. Everyone usually sleeps until the very last minute, craving every second they can get before exhausting themselves. 

Once a loud knocking on the door sounds, they file out and divide into separate vehicles. He ends up sitting beside Soonyoung and Jihoon. He can hear Mingyu slurring out words sleepily in the back. Seungkwan nags at him to be quiet and he can hear Vernon groan at both of them to shut up. Soonyoung tries to lean his head on Woozi’s shoulder and he shrugs him off unhesitatingly. He feels himself smile and as much as all of them stress him the fuck out, he loves all of them ten times that. 

His phone vibrates in his hand. Joshua texted him, Are you still a teenager? Who still has wet dreams?

His phone vibrates again before he can respond. It’s Jeonghan this time. They’re probably texting him, sitting right beside each other and laughing about it. He scowls and opens the message to find a picture of Minghao with his head against Seokmin’s shoulder. His eyes are closed and his features are so soft and expressionless that he has to be asleep. 

Cheol tries not to grin and is, not for the first time, blown away by just how whipped he is. A simple picture and he’s turned into putty. 

Jeonghan texts again, I’m sure his dreams are much more innocent than yours. 

Cheol refuses to blush or get irritated with them. It’s what they want after all. He saves the picture almost without thinking about it and rests his head back on the seat, tapping his fingers on the leather. He remembers how warm he felt when Hao rested his head on his shoulder last night. He envies Seokmin just a little for getting the opportunity right after waking up in the morning. 

Cheol looks at the picture again and feels a similar heat, a warmth along his limbs and in his chest. 

Seungcheol closes his eyes. He has nothing but time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's reading this! I felt like not a lot happened in this chapter but I really like the next one and I feel like this is a good lead up to it even though it's kind of sloppy. Also, the You Made My Dawn album was amazing. I expected nothing less from them. I've been bumping Good to Me lol and the Home MV is gorgeous.


	3. I Search For You On My Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungcheol continues to take steps to grow closer to Minghao. (They go on a date but Minghao doesn't know it's a date and they bond lol)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favorite chapters because I think it's cute lol. All feedback is appreciated :) Also, did anyone see the clip from the fan sign where Cheol and Hao were hugging and being really cute? Because your girl did. I melted and it also inspired me to start writing for this fic again because I've been so busy recently.

They had just finished going over their choreography for the performance at Mnet that was slowly approaching. The members were all equally sweaty and exhausted, spread out on the floor and panting. 

Cheol practically inhaled his water bottle before his attention snagged on Minghao who was sprawled out on his back across the room breathing heavily. 

Hao pulled his shirt up to bare his stomach as if he were hot. The planes of his stomach were glistening with sweat and the V of his stomach was stark and defined. Cheol could feel his tongue peek out and wet his lips at the sight. 

Cheol drug himself up to his feet and made a move to walk over to Hao, maybe offer his lap as a pillow, maybe card a hand through his hair when DK bounds over to Hao, showing him something on his phone. 

A round of giggles ensue before Jun joins them, resulting in more laughter. Seokmin leaves to go show Seungkwan and Vernon who have been trying to get Wonwoo to do something for the past ten minutes.

Jun, on the other hand, stretches out beside Hao. He starts whispering to him in what Seungcheol can tell is Chinese and feels a pang of resentment. 

Hao laughs and responds and not a minute later their conversation is loud enough for the entire room to hear. 

Their excited and indistinguishable Chinese filters through before Hoshi yells out, “Hey, no Chinese, you two!” 

They both groan and flop on the floor, ranting about the unfairness of not being able to speak their native language. Hao grips onto Jun whining and Jun rolls on top of him, resulting in Hao shrieking with laughter. 

Cheol steps in, “Come on guys, let’s pack it up. No use in staying here all day.” 

A chorus of yay’s resound as everyone drags themselves to their feet. Jeonghan and Woozi come up on either side of Cheol. 

Jeonghan immediately says, “Ask Hao to hang out.” 

Cheol swallows in response, “Just me and him? He’s gonna think it’s weird.” 

Jeonghan sighs, “No, he won’t. Go.” 

It’s not like an entire evening spent with Minghao doesn’t sound appealing. It’s just that - well that Cheol sometimes gets irrationally scared. He thinks he’s going to screw up and Hao is never going to look at him the same way or feel comfortable coming to him for advice ever again. He can’t imagine damaging a bond with any of his members. He feels incredibly selfish knowing that he’s taking that risk right now in the hopes of not damaging himself any further. It’s not Cheol’s place to ever put himself or his needs before a group member’s and yet that’s exactly what he would be doing if he were to run up to Minghao and beg him to go on a date with him - to look at him and actually see Choi Seungcheol and not S. Coups. 

And that’s why Cheol feels incredibly, mind-numbingly selfish as he balls his fists and runs after him. “Hao!” 

He looks over his shoulder, letting go of Jun who stops beside him. “Yeah, Coups hyung?”

For a second, he has absolutely no idea what the best option would be. What scenario would appeal the most? What activity or place could he offer up so Xu Minghao would offer him his undivided attention for more than an hour? To ask for his presence and allow him to know that it is sorely wanted without throwing an entire 180 at him?

Cheol looks nervously from Jun to Hao, “Do you want to go with me to the park? I just felt like going to think for a while and I know you like to take pictures and well...I wouldn’t mind the company.” 

Hao blinks at him for a moment before smiling, “Yeah, hyungie, that sounds nice. I haven’t been in a while. Could I shower and eat something first?” 

Cheol can’t help but feel like he’s twelve. “Yeah, of course. I’m gonna shower, too. But if you can hold off that long, I’ll treat you when we go to the park.” 

Hao’s eyes brighten. “Really, hyung? You should have just started with that.”

Cheol grinned, “You have to at least pretend you like me and not just me being the hyung and paying for food.”

Hao pushed his shoulder softly before whining, “Hyungggg. I said yes even before you said you would pay.” 

Cheol blinked a few times, staring up at his face. His eyes were practically glittering and his lips were plump and his face was flushed and slick with sweat and it was a little too reminiscent of his dream and he couldn’t stop thinking that Minghao looks stunning. 

He’s stunning and he said yes to spending time with Cheol for the sake of spending time with him. 

He feels like he’s melting and molding and he just wants to hold Hao’s hand and bury his face in his hair or his neck or his chest and just breathe him in and never let him go. 

Hao blinks, “Hyung?”

Cheol clears his throat, “Yeah, yeah, I guess you did.”

Hao smiles, “Of course, I did. I’m a good dongsaeng.” He smirks before continuing, “I’ll see you back at the house, hyungs.” He runs a hand through his hair before walking out and Cheol is pretty sure he gasps or chokes or something equally embarrassing.

Even more embarrassing is that he realizes that Jun is still there. He never left and he’s staring directly at Cheol with narrowed eyes. “W-what is it Junnie?” 

Jun steps closer with an unreadable face before a mysterious smile snakes over his face. “Is something going on with you and Hao, hyung?” 

“W-what? Why?” 

“You looked at him like you wanted to bone him but somehow pulled it off with big puppy dog eyes. Do you like...like him?” 

At this rate it wouldn't be long until Hao finds out for himself. 

He can’t help but shift on his feet a little. This was his most guarded secret and now it’s like he’s putting it out there for everyone to grab and examine and dissect as if it no longer means anything. “Yeah...I do, Junnie.” He runs a hand over his face and pushes back his hair. “Has he ever said anything about me to you?”

As soon as the words slip out of his mouth, Cheol feels an acute wave of embarrassment hit. He can’t believe he just asked Jun that. Maybe Hao really has turned him into a twelve year old. 

Jun smirks, “That would be a violation of Hao’s trust if I were to tell you but luckily there’s nothing to tell.”

Cheol feels a hole in his stomach open up. Or maybe it just widened or grew a little more bottomless. Maybe it was always there and Cheol just didn’t realize it was present and still growing until Jun confirmed it by basically saying what Cheol had always feared. 

Jun suddenly flinches, “Please don’t look like that.” 

Cheol didn’t realize he looked as pathetic as he felt in that moment but duly noted. 

Jun hurriedly continues, “That doesn’t mean you don’t have a shot with him. He’s not interested in anyone at the moment. That I know for sure. So, just slide in there and make yourself known as a viable option and not as a big brother or his leader.”

His voice is a little shaky as he replies, “Yeah, easier said than done. How - how do I possibly make him see me any differently than he has for the past four years?”

Jun steps closer, “Hao may act tough sometimes but he’s really fragile. He likes being taken care of just as much as he likes taking care of others. You do a good job of that but so does everyone. The only way to make yourself stand out is if you make it extremely personal. You have to make him realize it’s not a duty but a choice, not even a choice, but a desire to care for him and make him feel loved.”

Coups nods, “But wasn’t I just doing that?”

Jun shrugs, “Close, I guess. But also...I’m going to be really blunt, you gotta bring the sex appeal, Coups hyung. That’s the only way he’s going to to understand that all of that was flirting and not just everyday you babying Hao.” 

“Sex appeal?” Cheol repeats blankly.

“Yes. Sex appeal.” Jun waves his hands, “I don’t mean come on to him. That’s gonna freak him out at this point. Just like be aware of your body. Show yourself off. Touch his waist and his face a lot. He likes that. If you hold his hand, intertwine your fingers. Spread your legs, flex your thighs, flash your biceps -”

Cheol really doesn’t want to hear his dongsaeng attempt to inform him on how to seduce Minghao. “Okay. Okay. I get it. Thanks Jun, I guess. And just, please, don’t say anything to anyone.”

He nods, “Fine, but if Hao ever asks me directly, I can’t lie to him, just so you know.”

Cheols sighs, “Understandable.”

Jun smiles nevertheless, “Good luck, hyung.” He saunters out the door and Cheol is left feeling even more clueless.

 

***

 

He had a text from Hao when he got out of the shower saying he’d be waiting by the front door for him.

He replies, ‘k, I’m getting dressed. be there in 10’.

He gets back a ‘k hyung~’. 

He drops his phone on the bed and opens his closet door. He drags out black skinny jeans with slight rips at the knees and a plain black tee with a pair of white sneakers. He pushes his hair back, looking in the mirror, and shifts around trying to make sure he looks somewhat presentable. He hastily puts his gold hoops in and doesn’t know what else he could possibly do. His style is pretty plain compared to Hao’s. He’s recently been trying more progressive styles but he doesn’t really know if it’s something Hao has really took notice of. Would that matter to him? Would he want someone that shares more of his own interests? Cheol usually thinks things like this when he’s feeling a little insecure. 

He shakes his head before grabbing his phone and his wallet. Hao’s on the couch when he comes into the den, Mingyu perched on the armrest in lounge clothes and sulking. Minghao flicks his eyes up from his phone and smiles as he sees Cheol before promptly standing up. “Hey, hyung.” 

Hao looks really good. Then again, what’s fucking new? He’s in what accounts for his street clothes. He’s wearing light blue almost baggy cut off jeans that land at his knees, a slightly too big white tee, and long socks with a red stripe to match his bright red sneakers. His hair looks as impeccable as always, black bangs hanging in his eyes and touching the collar of his neck. A few rings glint on his long fingers and Cheol thinks now would be a good time to stop staring. 

Cheol swallows before looking away, “Ready?” 

Mingyu frowns, “I thought you guys were going to the park.” 

Cheol glances at Mingyu, ”We are. Why?” 

“Because you’re dressed up.”

“No, I’m not.”

“For you - that’s dressed up.”

He sighs and drags a frustrated hand through his hair, “I don’t know, Mingyu. I just did. Let’s go, Hao.” He opens the door and holds it open for him. 

Mingyu asks then, “Well, can I go?”

“No!” he snaps accidentally, it coming out far too harsh and shit. Mingyu meant no harm at all, probably just wanted to get out of the house and in no way deserved that reaction but he’s just so on edge. 

Mingyu’s face darkens a little and he stands to shoulder past them before Hao grabs his wrist, stopping him. Hao speaks up, “Hyung, I know you’re the hyung and our leader but Mingyu didn’t do anything wrong. There’s no need to be rude to him.” 

Cheol immediately feels about two inches tall and like the worst person on the planet. He sighs, “I’m really sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m just kind of stressed. That’s why I wanted to go to the park, just to get some air and refresh. Hao always helps me calm down, I didn’t mean to be rude, Mingyu. You know I love you, man.”

Mingyu nods, “Yeah, I know, hyung. It’s okay. Hao helps me calm down, too. Hope you feel better.” Cheol latches onto him, squeezing, only letting go once he’s gotten a grin out of Mingyu. 

Mingyu turns to Hao and whispers, “Thanks, HaoHao,” and pinches his cheek. Hao sticks out his tongue but looks incredibly fond as Mingyu leaves. 

Once it’s just the two of them standing there, Cheol quietly says, “I really am sorry, Hao.” 

Hao looks back at him, “It’s really okay, hyung.” 

Cheol nods hesitantly, “Okay. Ready?” 

Hao passes through the door, placing a hand on Cheol’s shoulder comfortingly as he passes. Cheol swallows before following after him. 

It’s warm out and sunny but not overtly hot and Cheol is thankful since he decided to wear all black, following Jun’s advice. They started off down the walk, their hands brushing in comfortable silence, before Cheol decides to forget his fears and anxieties and just pretend he’s on a date with the boy he’s in love with.

He takes Hao’s hand, pulling him down another street. He intertwines their fingers and prays his hand wouldn’t sweat and that Hao wouldn't pull away. Hao simply squeezes his hand before swinging their arms between them. Cheol feels a smile start on his face. 

When they arrive at the food stand he wanted to take Hao to, there are only two people ahead of them in line. Hao pulls his hand away, needing his hands free to grab his camera. He takes an angled picture of the sign and overhanging menu, their corresponding shadows on the ground, before turning to Cheol with a pleading look. “Can I take your picture, Coups hyung?” 

Hao looks so excited he can’t bare to say no. Seungcheol thinks it’s impossible to refuse Hao anything. “Sure”. 

Hao grins and nudges him two steps away, turning him so his profile is facing the camera. He positions his head to where it’s tilted up and slightly to the left. “Perfect” he whispers. Cheol feels a slight shiver as Hao’s fingers brush his skin. He backs away and holds the camera to his eye. 

There are two snaps and then a moment passes before he says, “Look, hyung.” Coups lowers his head and glances at the held out camera before grinning, he feels a rush of awe and admiration. Cheol is a black outline against the sun coursing along his back with the only color being his lips and the pallor of his skin. 

“Wow, Hao,” he breaths. “It’s really pretty.”

Hao smiles and ducks his head, fidgeting with the camera, “It’s easy to take pretty pictures when you have pretty models, hyungie.” 

Cheol can’t help but scoff at the absurdity of Hao thinking he’s pretty but he also can’t deny his heart is beating much faster than a moment ago. He can’t stop staring at Hao as this overwhelming feeling of fondness and hope hits him so squarely in his chest. He can’t help but imagine them doing this whenever they have free time, whenever they want, seeking each other out just to revel in each other’s presence. A piece of calm within the storm that is their lives that holds just that bit of enigma and comfort and spark that will always have them coming back, never growing tired. Cheol finds Hao and that idea stunning. 

“Next,” a bored voice calls out. 

Coups hastily looks away and walks forward to order. As he orders and watches the man gather what they want he feels Hao come up behind him and rest his chin on Cheol’s shoulder. 

Once the man places the bag on the counter and gives the total, Coups digs the money out of his wallet and slides it over, telling him to keep the change. He grabs the bag and slides his hand back into Hao’s. 

Hao grins before saying, “Aww. Hyung’s so cool.” 

Coups scowls, fighting a grin. 

Hao giggles, “You are hyung. Hyung’s always so cool.” 

He glances at him with a teasing expression, “How?”

“I mean, you’re the leader. You always know what to say and how to fix things and take care of us. You rap and you dance well. You work really hard, hyung.” 

He smiles softly before bumping his head on Hao’s shoulder, “Thanks Hao”.

“You’re welcome.”

“I think you’re cool, too.” 

“I know you do, hyung,”

He laughs, tugging on his hand. “Brat.” 

When they get to the park, Hao leaves him to take a few pictures of the scenery, the trees, sky, people. Hao looks at everything around him, tilts his head to a certain angle, and comes back with photos that look more interesting than what he originally took a photo of. It’s times like this that he marvels at the fact that Hao likes art, likes to partake in it and contribute to it and revel in it. He hopes Hao knows that he loves that about him. All these new things that are making up his character and making him so happy - they make Cheol happy, too. 

He hears a closer snap from where he’s sitting at one of the picnic tables, layering out the food. He looks up to see Hao taking another picture, of Cheol this time and Choel tries not to smile. He puts on a solemn look, staring off into the distance, and Hao breaks into little giggles making Cheol’s heart warm.   
He dishes out the food and drinks while Hao sits across from him. While they’re eating, Cheol talks about their schedules and asks him about China and what he’s been listening to. Hao talks about their choreography, how he feels so tired and busy from his heavy schedule, and how he misses their concerts and going on tour. After they’re finished eating, content and full, Hao sits beside him, still sipping on his drink. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Cheol looks at him, “About what?”

“About how you’re feeling. Obviously somethings on your mind. If you don’t, that’s okay, too, but I could just listen if you wanted me to.”

Cheol stiffens. If this was something that didn’t directly involve Hao, he would have no problem divesting all his worries to him. He usually doesn’t, if it’s something really serious, because he’s never wanted Hao or any of his dongsaengs to ever feel like they have to take care of him. But he wants to treat Hao like he’s his equal in this. He’s so in love with him and he wants Hao to be his partner in this and everything to come. But he doesn’t think he or Hao is ready for everything Cheol wants to say.

“It’s nothing new, Hao. Just a lot of pressure and nerves with every comeback or media appearance. I don’t want to let anyone down.”

Not exactly a lie but not the truth either but definitely the safer option. Joshua and Jeonghan would say the coward’s option but Cheol knows that it’s not the time for him to confess. Not yet. 

Hao tilts his head, “You’re a great leader, Coups hyung. You’ve never let us down.” 

He looks over the river, there’s a leaf floating on the surface and the sun appears as if it’s merging with the dark water. “Never?”

He feels Hao’s arm sling around his shoulder, “No, never, hyung. And I don’t see you doing it anytime soon, either. You care about us so much. You think about us more than yourself.”

“That’s the thing, Hao. I think I’m starting to have selfish thoughts. To want things for myself. Things that could potentially hurt the group.”

Minghao’s thumb gently brushes back and forth along his shoulder and a soft, almost incredulous, laugh leaves him, “It’s natural to want things, hyungie. You should. It’s not a bad thing.” 

Cheol took Minghao’s other hand and held it in between both of his, tracing it with his fingers. His hands were beautiful, artist’s hands, long and defined and golden. They were so much bigger now than he remembered. “Have you..?”  
“Yes?” he asks softly.

“Have you ever been in love?” Cheol asks it almost as if the breeze carried the words in with the wind.

He can feel Hao freeze for a moment, most likely taken aback by the question, before saying, “Yeah...someone back in China. A long time ago. “

He swallowed, “A girl?” Cheol knows that Hao is bisexual but he hears him talk about girls more than boys and so he suspects it’s a girl. It’s always hard to hear but it is what it is. He can’t expect Minghao to remain celibate when he’s clueless as to what it does to Cheol’s heart. 

Hao nods, “Yeah. She broke my heart.” He laughs breathily. “But… I was really young. I haven’t been in a committed relationship with anyone ever since, boy or girl. Never really wanted to either.”

Cheol nods slowly, brushing his thumb down his middle finger. He can’t even imagine having Xu Minghao’s love and then tossing it away as if it wasn’t an honor, the greatest gift to have it. He feels a pain at knowing there’s some random girl in China that still and always will hold a place in his heart, knowing that she broke it. Cheol’s never been in love until Minghao. He’s dated a few guys, slept with a lot more, cared about a few of them, but never has he looked at anyone they way he looks at Hao. 

“Is that what this is about, hyung? You’re lonely?”

A surprised laugh leaves him. ‘Lonely’...he doesn’t know if that’s the word he would use to describe what he feels. “I’m not lonely, Hao. I just...want one specific person.” He intertwines their fingers, marveling at the shape of them together. “I-I’m in love.”

A breath leaves him. A gentle breath, like the soft wind through the trees, rattling them just a little on the branches. “Oh.” 

Hao’s hand tightens around his, his thumb making another brush along his shoulder. “Does he feel the same way?”

“He-he doesn’t even know. But no...no, I don’t think he does.”

Hao tsked softly, resting his head on Cheol’s shoulder, his taller stature curving down to fit. “Anyone would be an idiot not to fall in love with you, Cheol hyung.” 

They’re perfect words and yet all he wants to do is turn to Hao and scream. It’s you, you idiot. I want you! But instead all he says is, “That’s what all friends say to their friends.”   
He hums, “Maybe. But you’re special, Cheol hyung, not just my friend or my hyung. You’ve always been special to me. I think you’re as close to perfect as any of us can get to. And if this guy can’t see it, then he’s not worth your time.” 

Cheol feels really warm and kind of like crying because Hao - Hao is saying all these things but not in the context he wants. Hao is pressed against him, comforting him and saying all these great things but there’s also the case where Hao doesn’t know that this guy they’re talking about is him. So, yeah, Hao’s admitting he sees a lot in Cheol, but he’s also admitting that he doesn’t see Cheol in that way. And it just feels like he’s hitting dead end after dead end. He doesn’t know what else to do. 

“Are-are you going to tell him how you feel?”

“I don’t know, Hao. I’m scared to, to finally tell him and then get concrete proof that he’ll never want me...not the way I want him.” 

“That does sound scary,” he whispers back. 

A stronger, crisper breeze starts up and he feels Hao shiver against him, ducking his face closer to his neck. Cheol stands keeping Hao’s hand clutched in his, “We should go. The sun’s going down.”

He nods and stands with him, following him down the path. They walk back in silence, hands still intertwined, shoulders brushing. And when they get back to the dorm, he squeezes Hao’s hand. “Thanks for coming with me.”

Minghao squeezes back, “Thanks for inviting me, and trusting me with everything, hyung.” Hao smiles gently before stepping forward, sliding his arms around him in a soft hug. Cheol exhales loudly as he wraps his arms around Hao’s waist and buries his face in Hao’s shoulder. 

Before Hao lets go, he whispers softly, “I love you, hyung. Always.”

Cheol shakes just a little and tightens his arms. “I love you, too. I always have.”

Hao steps back and is still smiling when he turns to go inside. Cheol is not. He’s confused and a lot in love. A little heartbroken and still the only decisive thought that he has is ‘he’s stunning’.


	4. My Longing Flows Out to the Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungcheol tries to be sexy to catch Minghao's attention. Seventeen also have a night in at the dorms and Seungcheol might finally be ready to confess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, another chapter! Again, all feedback is appreciated. This chapter got a little angsty near the end, I have no idea where this came from. Also, if you guys want any particular side ships, let me know. I feel like I should include more but there's so many options lol. Thanks for reading!

Jeonghan, Jihoon, Joshua, and now Jun ambush him in his room the next day, asking about their ‘date’. 

They’re all piled on the beds, looking up at him with anticipation written all over their faces. And Cheol doesn’t really know what to say. “I...I told him that I’m in love and that the other guy doesn’t know. But I couldn’t possibly tell him it was him, not yet. He was really sweet and perfect and said all the right things except I’m positive he has no clue how I feel about him and he doesn’t feel the same about me.”

Jeonghan sat up. “You don’t think anything at all changed?”

“I mean, we definitely had a moment. And I mean we always have a great time together and know what the other needs, but I just.. I don’t know what else to do.”

Jeonghan turned to Jun. “Your turn, Junnie. You’re the Myungho expert.”

He scoffed, “Hardly. But, like, I already told you, Hao came to us when we were all practically kids. He came of age with all of us around him. We’re his family. He’s never gonna see you that way unless you present yourself differently. I mean, it seems like this date was really soft and that it brought you guys closer and that’s great, but you’re going to have to ramp up the pace now.”

Cheol raises an eyebrow, “What do you expect me to do?”

“Again, like I said before, you gotta be sexy, flirty even, and he has to know that you want him to see you like that, that it’s on purpose and only directed at him, or else nothing’s gonna change.”

Joshua smirked, “Coups and sexy times. Wow, we’re really in for a treat, aren’t we?”

Jeonghan laughed, resting his head on Joshua’s chest. 

Cheol ignores them, “If that’s true, then you’re saying Hannie could go up to him and act sexy and flirty and he would automatically like him.” 

Woozi interjected, “Doesn’t he go around doing that already?”

Joshua laughs and high fives Jihoon as if it was comedy gold. He resumes petting Jeonghan’s hair as Jun continues, “Of course not. But he’d be more aware of him. I mean, let’s face it. We’ve all practically seen each other naked and no one gives a fuck. You have to make it obvious you want him to look.” 

Jihoon says mildly, “I think it’s a good idea, mainly because I don’t have another one.” 

Joshua shrugs, “Same here. Although I vote just telling him. It’d be so much easier and Hao wouldn’t like us all going behind his back like this.”

Jeonghan shakes his head, “We’re not going behind his back. We’re doing this for him, him and Coups.”

“But how do we know if he even wants this?” Cheol asks, frustrated.

Jun sighs, “Look, he’s told me before that he thinks you’re hot.”

Cheol feels a wave of heat unfurl inside of him, along with a blinding shock. “He - he did?”

Jeonghan rolls his eyes, “Oh, don’t get all hot and bothered, please. Spare us.” 

Jihoon and Joshua laugh before Jun says, “He did. Him and Mingyu were a little tipsy and talking about sex like the whores they are. Mingyu said something about him not being able to imagine his hyungs having sex without hurling when Hao said, “I don’t know, Coups hyung is pretty hot”. And Mingyu almost hurled.” 

All three of the others were objecting to the idea of not being considered hot or sexy and Cheol was just standing there dazed and in awe and also trying not to sport a boner at the thought of Xu Minghao saying that. 

***

That turned out to be the push he needed. After that Cheol was unnecessarily flirty and was almost sore from how much he flexed when Hao was around. Whenever he was showing off his body, he tried to maintain eye contact for as long as possible and he thought he was succeeding. 

One afternoon he had just gotten out of the shower when Hao walked in, courtesy of Jeonghan. 

Hao blinked, “Oh, sorry, hyung.” He went to back out of the room when Cheol said hurriedly, “It’s okay, Hao, you can stay. I was just about to leave.” Hao paused and just stared at him for a moment, a confused expression prominent on his face before saying a quiet, “Okay, hyung.” He closed the door softly, stepping back into the bathroom. Cheol grabbed a towel and began rubbing himself down and Hao’s eyes automatically followed before he hastily blinked and looked back up and away, his face now flushed. Once Cheol was semi dry, he wrapped the towel around his waist and moved to pass by him, deliberately brushing up against him and he could feel Hao stiffen. “See you, Hao.” He didn’t say anything back. 

The next day Jun burst into his bedroom. “Hyung, it’s working!” 

Cheol dropped his phone in surprise at Jun’s loud outburst. “What is?”

“Hao! We mentioned you and he immediately got all flustered and blushy.”

Cheol gripped his phone tighter, standing up, “Are you - are you sure?”

“Yes!” Jun hit him in the shoulder excitedly, “It’s working. I think you should ask him out again.” 

Everyone was planning on staying in that night and playing games in the den. It was the first break they had had in a few days and Cheol really appreciated the fact that they all chose to spend it together. Everyone had already eaten and were spreading out on the floor or claiming the couches or chairs. Dino was fighting adamantly to play Just Dance first and, of course, Seungkwan was all for karaoke, while Vernon and Wonwoo wanted to play Mario Kart. 

Jun, Wonwoo, and Jihoon were on the couch. Dk and Hoshi were crammed on the sofa together and Minghao and Mingyu were on the loveseat. Hao had his long legs sprawled over Mingyu’s lap and onto the armrest. 

Jeonghan and Jisoo followed Cheol from the kitchen where they had been attempting to clean up everyone’s mess. Hannie smirked at the sight of all of them before moving forward, “Hao, Mingyu, cough up the seats.” 

Their heads whipped around with incredulous expressions. Both glared and whined but eventually caved with more than resigned expressions. They plopped onto the floor, Hao spreading out his legs and Mingyu resting his back on the sofa. Cheol, finding his cue, went over to sit beside Hao on the floor, clamping a hand on his thigh. Hao looked over at him, wearing a cute pout on his face before moving closer to Cheol and glaring up at the two now on the loveseat. “See, Cheol hyung’s a good hyung. He’s older than all of us and he didn’t make anyone move.”

Hannie smiles while Joshua says, “I don’t think Cheol is as innocent as you give him credit for.”

Hao frowned, “What do you mean?”

Hannie just laughed, “Ask Cheolie.” 

Cheol tightened his grip on Hao’s leg just a little, “Don’t listen to them, they’re being stupid.”

Hao smiles with a mischievous expression, “Aren’t they always?” He then grimaced as they both hit him in the back of the head. Hao moved into Cheol’s side, nestling his head on his shoulder. “Hyung, they’re being so mean today.”

Cheol smiles softly and puts his arm around him, brushing his hand through his soft hair, “I know, baby. They’re assholes.”

Hannie squawks, “Excuse me?”

Joshua smirks, “How come you don’t call us ‘baby’, Cheolie?”  
He flips them off behind his head. They both snicker until Dino bursts into action, declaring their first game of Just Dance. It turns into a chaotically loud scene as it usually tends to be when it’s just the thirteen of them, not to mention they all have a bit of alcohol in their systems from dinner. 

Hoshi and Dino are paired together, Wonwoo and Mingyu, Vernon and Seungkwan, Hao and Jun, Jisoo, Jeonghan, and Seokmin, and Seungcheol and Woozi.

Hoshi and Dino do an incredibly difficult dance, putting an unnecessary amount of energy and yelling into it. Wonwoo and Mingyu and Vernon and Seungkwan both do gag dances that make all of them cheer and laugh uproariously. 

And then Hao and Jun’s turn comes and Hannie shouts out, “Make them do a sexy dance!”  
Jun turns with a frown, clearly not having that in mind. Hao whines, “Nooo. I wanna do something fun.”

Mingyu grins, “Yeah, sexy dance.” 

Hoshi grabs the controller frenziedly and puts on a slow r&b track. Junnie just rolls his eyes and starts lazily. But Hao takes all forms of dancing seriously and to his horror this game is no exception. He moves and pops and flows and drops like he’s a rubber band or water and he just looks...fucking sexy as hell. 

The others are whooping and hollering but Cheol is deadly silent and his mouth is open just a little and he can’t stop looking at Hao. Fuck. 

Minghao trails his hand down his chest, swirling his hips and Cheol’s about to fucking choke. He can feel his dick inflating just a little bit and this is about to be a code red situation. 

When the song ends, Jun looks barely winded and Hao is breathing just a little on the heavy side as he turns to walk back to his spot with a satisfied smirk on his face. Cheol almost forgot that Hao can be such a cocky son of a bitch sometimes. 

Cheol spreads his legs and pats the spot between them and he sees Hao hesitate for a moment. He can see it. But Hao eventually relents and lowers himself between Cheol’s legs, his back leaning against Cheol’s chest, head against his shoulder. Cheol brings his arms around his stomach and holds him close. “You were really good, Hao.” 

He exhales softly, “Thanks, hyung”.

When Jeonghan’s team gets up, Hao and Jun both demand a sexy song and all three of them groan but do it nonetheless. When they’re finished and everyone has wolf whistled to their heart’s content at their performance, Hao tries to stand and separate himself from Cheol’s grasp. He frowns, pulling him back, “Where are you going?”  
Hao laughs and before he can answer, Cheol sees Woozi stand up and he remembers he has to play too. He finally releases Hao and stands up, moving to the floor. They end up doing this upbeat choreography that takes a lot of leg movement and twists and it takes all of his attention to keep up. Everyone’s screaming and laughing again and then he can hear Hao’s voice filter above all the others, “Yeah, hyungs! Performance team, who?”

Everyone is laughing and Cheol can feel himself grinning as he finishes the last move - a curl and slide of his ankle. Jihoon and Cheol fist bump with happy smiles. 

He sweeps a hand through his hair as he walks back over to Hao, who’s grinning up at him.  
“You were both so good, hyungie.”

Cheol sits beside him, still grinning, and pulls on his arm, spreading his legs. Hao giggles before sliding over his thigh and between his legs. Cheol wraps one arm around his stomach and another in his hair. Hao leans his head back and smiles so cutely at him. Cheol can’t resist leaning down and kissing him on the neck really softly. 

He can feel him stiffen just a little in his arms before relaxing and going pliant, resting his full weight against him. Cheol tightens his hold around him, keeping his face pressed against his neck as he feels Hao’s hand curl around his wrist. 

Cheol cards his fingers through Hao’s hair before moving his hand to his shoulder and massaging it gently. He inhales Hao’s scent and he can feel Hao exhale. His hand drags down his side slowly and he can feel Hao shiver. 

His hand slips beneath Hao’s shirt just a little and his thumb brushes against his skin. His skin quivers slightly beneath his touch. Cheol lifts his head, brushing his nose against Hao’s neck as he peers down at his face and Cheol has to suppress a groan. 

Hao’s eyes are almost closed, they’re so heavily lidded. He’s biting down on his lower lip and his cheeks are just slightly flushed. He can’t help but lean down and kiss his neck again, letting just a little tongue wet the skin. A sound comes out of Minghao then, almost a whimper. And his hand tightens on Hao’s hip almost without his control. 

“Hao!” A sharp voice says. 

Hao instantly stiffens and jerks his head up. It’s Mingyu, appearing annoyed, “It’s you and Jun hyung’s turn for Mario Kart. Come on.”

Hao hastily pulls away, scrambling away from Cheol’s grip and his hurriedly whispered, “Hao, wait.” He almost curls into himself when Hao sits in front of the screen, controller in hand. His face is carefully blank but there’s still a pretty flush against his skin. He can see a slight wet mark against his neck.   
When Hao finishes his game, beaten almost severely by Mingyu and Wonwoo although Jun didn’t do bad, he doesn’t even look or move in Cheol’s direction. He follows Jun back to the couch and sits at his feet, his head leaning against Jun’s knee. Mingyu sits beside him and says something to him with a wide smile making Hao eventually grin back. 

“Cheolie.” He startled, looking up to see Hannie looking at him anxiously. Jeonghan bit his lip and tilted his head toward the kitchen door before walking away. Cheol grudgingly got to his feet, casting one glance at Hao who was now watching Hoshi and Dino start another game of Mario Kart. He pushed the kitchen door open, dragging a hand over his face. 

“You okay?” Jeonghan asks, leaning against the counter.

Cheol mirrors him before saying, “No. I don’t know. I think I’m getting somewhere and then I reach a dead end every time.”

“He was into it, Cheolie. Whatever you were doing, he liked it. He was all flustered and shy. Look, this means Step 1 is complete. He’s aware of you sexually, he’s attracted to you. Obviously, he knows you’re attracted to him. Now, I think, is the moment where you be honest and tell him you want to be with him, Cheolie. Right now, he’s really confused, so you’re gonna have to explain things to him.”

Cheol swallows. “I want to. I do but -”

“But what?’

“He is attracted to me, I saw it for myself. But...he’s not in love with me, Hannie.” 

Jeonghan inhales deeply before saying, “I’m about to be really blunt, Cheol. Okay? Who the fuck cares?! He likes you. Do you understand that? He likes you and he wants you. He’s not a dumbass. He knows you feel some type of way about him now. Just tell him. Tonight, Cheol, when he’s alone. Promise me you’ll tell him.” 

Seungcheol doesn’t know how to respond to that. Jeonghan was being brutally honest and Cheol can see the benefit in that but he’s also a fucking coward. 

Hannie sighs. “Look at me.”

Cheol tightens his hands into fists and looks up, nodding wearily, “You’re right. I'm gonna tell him. Now that I know there's a chance, there's nothing really holding me back anymore. I don't want to wait any longer. I’m gonna tell him tonight. I promise.”

Jeonghan exhales in relief and hugs him. Cheol returns it, gripping onto him tightly. “Thank you for everything, Hannie.”

“You don't have to thank me. I wanted to help you, all of us who knew did.”

When they go back into the den, the noise is substantially more quiet and everyone seems to be winding down from the chaotic moving and screaming that was taking place earlier. In twos and threes, the group begins to split off, heading to bathrooms or bedrooms or both, everyone ready to settle in for the night. 

Cheol says goodnight loudly and everyone murmurs it back as they pass. Hao does not meet his eyes as he slips past him, hanging onto Seokmin’s arm. 

Cheol goes to his bedroom to collect some sweats and a fresh pair of underwear and hits the shower. The water comes down on him, scalding hot and he welcomes the heat. Most of the nerves have left him. He’s hopeful and weary but more than anything determined. He’ll just be honest and hope for the best, that's all he can do. There’s no more time left. Hao already knows something’s up and he deserves the truth.

He washes his hair and finds a slideshow of Minghao playing behind his eyes. Hao during their first win, the first time he met him, watching him dance for the first time. Hao taking photos and walking out of his room everyday with that much more confidence. He turned the water off, drying himself before slipping on his sweat pants and rubbing the towel frenziedly through his hair before pushing the wet strands out of his eyes. He stares in the mirror at himself and breathes in deeply before brushing his teeth and washing his face for the night. 

He steps out of the bathroom and he can hear some pattering in the kitchen. Someone was most likely doing the rest of the dishes before bed to avoid them in the morning. He heard a door close down the hall and the sound of a few hushed voices through the doors as he passed each one. When he reached Hao’s room he listened outside hesitantly. There was complete silence and it looked dark beneath the door. It usually took a while for Hao to fall asleep, but...he raised his hand slowly to knock on the door when - “Hyung?” a soft voice asked behind him.

He swiveled around, surprised. Minghao stood behind him, a towel slung over his shoulders. He was in a black muscle shirt and grey sweats. His hair was only a little damp and he could tell he used a hair dryer. 

Hao shifted almost nervously, “Did you need something hyung?” 

Cheol cleared his throat, stepping forward, “I wanted to talk to you. It's really important, Hao.”

Minghao stiffens, “I really just wanted to go to bed, hyung, if you don’t mind.”

Cheol swallows, “Please, Hao. You-you know what it’s about. I know you do.”

He won’t meet his eyes, not even for a moment. “Maybe, hyung. But I’m really tired, can I just please go to sleep? I don’t really want to talk about it now.”

Cheol can feel himself shutting down because of Minghao’s reluctance but plunges forward anyway.

“Do you remember that conversation we had at the park that day, Hao? I told you I was in love with someone and didn’t think the other person felt the same. I didn’t know if I should tell the other person because I was scared. I’m still scared, actually. But I’m telling him. I’m...telling you, Hao.”

If he thought Minghao was stiff before, then he was sorely mistaken. He resembles a statue, all frozen and cold and unwelcoming, unreal almost. 

His nails dig into his palms, “You have to say something back. Please.”

Minghao still won’t look at him, won’t meet his eyes, as he says quietly, “I have nothing to say right now. I’m going to bed. Goodnight, Coups hyung.” The words have no feeling at all. Minghao steps around him as if he’s a piece of furniture before going into his room, shutting the door firmly behind him. 

The light flickers on underneath the door. He hears a few muffled sounds, a drawer shutting, the rustle of clothing, before the light turns back off and he hears the bed creak once. Then silence. Nothing. 

Cheol finds himself in his bed and doesn’t remember getting there. He feels frozen solid. He feels empty. He feels that hole he was thinking about earlier, only now it’s so prominent, so huge and bottomless and gaping and wide. It’s cold and there’s no warmth. The bad thing is he can remember what it felt like to be warm. How it felt to have Minghao rest his head on his shoulder or press against him or smile at him. It was stunningly warm. And the thought that Minghao will no longer want his warmth to seep anywhere near Seungcheol is almost too much to bear. Cheol knew it all along. He knew that it would ruin everything if he told him. But he wanted too much. He loved him too much, so much that he didn't care who it hurt in the process, including himself. 

He wonders if this was how Minghao felt when the girl back in China broke his heart. Is Seungcheol’s heart even broken? He doesn’t know, can’t tell.

He still loves Minghao. He always will. But, right now, all he can feel is the cold.


	5. I Will Always Be Standing Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cheol and Hao's feelings are finally revealed, thank God.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready for the ship to sail!! I make them holds hands too much, I'm sorry. Thank you for all the reads, comments, and kudos! They are so appreciated and sorry it took me a while to update lol I hate life.

Seungcheol gets no sleep that night. Instead he lies in bed and stares at nothing. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do or how to bring himself back from this. He wants to cry - he can feel the familiar pressure at the back of his throat and the stinging of his eyes - all signaling his need to. 

But he won’t allow himself to cry. Because if he cries, then he’ll sob. And if he sobs - he risks waking someone. More than than that, he’ll feel it too much if he allows himself to break down. To really feel the pain that’s ricocheting through his chest, snapping and cutting him like hungry jaws and sharp blades. 

He wishes he could take it back. 

He wants to blame it on Jeonghan or Jisoo or any of the others but it’s not their fault. Not really. They just wanted him to be happy. And he knows whether or not he had their guidance and support he would have caved and eventually told him anyways because it was just..what he wanted. He wanted to tell Minghao he loved him. And no he wasn't expecting a warm acception or a reciprocal confession, but he can’t deny that he had hope there right near the end that he and Minghao would come out on the other side together. Maybe this is what he deserves - for wanting things he has no business in wanting, things he has no right to, maybe just for wanting in general. Seungcheol has received so much love, so many treasured gifts and experiences. It should have been enough. 

When dawn sets in, so do responsibilities. Cheol climbs out of bed stiff and exhausted and bone weary. They have a photo shoot today and he’s positive he looks horrible and in no condition to be in front of a camera. He thinks back to when Minghao took that stunning picture of him in front of the sun and how he said it was easy because Cheol was pretty. He peers into the mirror above the bathroom sink and thinks Minghao wouldn’t be saying that today. Or possibly ever again, he realizes. It’s crushing that he has confirmation that he and Minghao will never be together but what he has even more trouble comprehending is the plausibility of their friendship suffering into something cold and stunted and false - strained.

The bathroom door slams open behind him to stilted giggles and fluttery hands. Jeonghan and Jun clamber inside with wide smiles before utterly freezing as they meet Cheol’s gaze through the mirror. 

Their mouths both drop and twist in what looks to be shared horror. No doubt at how utterly wrecked Cheol appears. They're both frozen as if they don't know what to do, where to go from here. That makes it hurt even worse - that they came in so confident and carefree, excited to find Cheol and make him spill about how the night turned out. They expected Minghao to say yes and for there to be no hurt feelings and that makes Minghao’s reaction hurt even worse. 

Hannie steps forward and wraps his arms around Cheol’s shoulders from behind. His grip is firm but Seungcheol can feel his arms trembling nonetheless. “What happened last night?” Hannie whispered. His voice is hesitant and quiet, an underlining of fear and shock in his words. 

Jun hesitantly steps forward and circles his fingers around Cheol’s wrist, squeezing. 

“He rejected me.” Cheol winces at his voice. It’s too quiet, quieter than Jeonghan’s. It sounds hoarse and cracked and empty. He sounds terrible and looks worse. 

Their grips both tighten before Jun says, “H-He didn’t. He couldn’t. Hao could never hurt you.”

Cheol feels like ripping their hands from him and screaming and also like dissolving into sobs and tears and his pain and pulling them closer. 

Hannie stiffens against him, “He looks pretty hurt to me, Junnie.”

Jun swallowed, “What did he say exactly?”

Cheol shook his head. He could see tears reflected in his eyes now and he really didn’t want to cry. “He said nothing.”

“What?”

“He refused to talk about it. He wouldn’t even look at me. It would have been better, I think, if he outright said it, but he - he couldn't even look at me. Like he didn’t even know me anymore.”

He sees the first tear trail down his cheek. It’s been a long time since he’s cried. Longer since he’s cried for painful reasons and not happy ones. 

“What now?” Seungcheol asks.

His voice is wrecked and keening and he realizes he’s on the verge of sobbing. He wants to sob the words out desperately. As if the pain would bleed out with them. So he continues and it just gets worse and worse. “Huh? How do we make him notice me now? Walk out there, looking like this? Sobbing and ugly and pathetic. Will that make him look at me?”

An ugly laugh leaves him before it too turns into a strained sob and his knees buckle. Jeonghan slides to the floor with him. He can feel him shaking, knows he’s crying too. Jun’s clinging to his arm and has wet tearful eyes, his mouth trembling. That only makes it worse. They shouldn't be crying. His members shouldn’t be crying and it shouldn’t be because of him.

The door bangs open again. He can hear two sets of feet and then Soonyoung’s voice, “Something’s wrong with Minghao. What do you think hap-”

Utter silence descended as they most likely take in Seungcheol crumpled on his knees, his chest folded in, with Jeonghan clinging to him, face buried in his shoulder and Jun kneeling beside them both, his grip still tight around Cheol’s wrist.

Wonu’s deep voice hesitantly sounds. “Hyung?”

Cheol shrugs Jeonghan off him as he regains his footing and stands, turning and leaning back against the sink. He tears his hand from Jun’s grasp, wiping the tears off his face. 

Soonyoung’s voice is wavering as he asks, “What happened?”

Jun and Jeonghan both exchange pained looks before returning their gazes to Seungcheol. Cheol laughs a wet, broken laugh before sniffing, rubbing his eyes. “Why did you say something’s wrong with Hao?”

Jeonghan stares at him incredulously but Seungcheol ignores him. 

Soonyoung shifts. “He’s...not acting himself is all. He’s all shut off and quiet, won’t talk to anyone. Got really snappy when we questioned him about it. He probably didn’t get enough sleep last night.”

“Did Mingyu or Seokmin get anything out of him?”

“No, Mingyu’s the one he snapped at.” Wonwoo says. 

Hannie glances at Cheol again, “Go talk to him, Junnie. But take him somewhere private.”

Jun nods before sending an apologetic look to Cheol and slipping through the door. 

Wonwoo and Soonyoung both look terrified and so, so worried. “What about you, hyung?”

Seungcheol doesn’t want to do this. He doesn’t know how. This wasn’t part of the plan. This isn’t what he wanted. 

Jeonghan says, “He and Hao had...an argument.” He shouldn’t be letting Jeonghan speak for him when Jeonghan is just as clueless about the situation and where to go from here as Cheol is. He shouldn’t be putting any of his members in this position. 

They both raise their eyebrows at that. Cheol can understand their confusion because he and Hao have never had the need to argue. Yes, they’ve disagreed with each other or had misunderstandings but seldom have they ever argued. “I confessed to him and he didn’t accept...is what Hannie means to say.” Seungcheol is a grown man and their leader and he will suck it up and do and say what needs to be done and said. He doesn’t even recognize himself in this moment, really. He’s like a teenager who just had his heart broken for the first time. What even is this? This feeling of unsurety and bleakness and cold?

Their eyebrows lift comically high then. 

“You confessed to Hao? As in you like him?” Soonyoung asks. 

“As in I’m in love with him.” He chokes the words out and it hurts even worse that it’s still so utterly true. He doesn’t love Hao any less for not returning his feelings. It would be so much easier if he did. 

Their mouths are gaping wide and they both appear well and truly shocked. “And you told him?” Wonwoo asks. 

Seungcheol shrugs, “Not really. Not the way I wanted to. He wouldn’t let me. But I don’t - I don't blame him. I’m not upset with him. I’m just sad and I wish it had never happened and I just want him to forgive me and go back to how things were.” He’s rambling now but it’s so unbearably true. He regrets ever trying to tell him. But everything leading up to last night? That’s what he doesn’t regret at all, even if it made the end result that much more painful. He’s never felt closer to Minghao than he has this last week. And it all brought such an amazing feeling - this sense of exhilaration but also comfort. But nothing ever comes without a price. 

The door is pushed open suddenly and Minghao steps through.

Seungcheol’s stomach drops. He’s honestly horrified. Just the image of Minghao here, in front of him, is too much far too soon. It’s so painful and yet his heart does that familiar skip and his breath comes just a little sharper on the inhale. There’s a faint pain, a nauseous twist, in his stomach and around his chest. That feeling is new. He doesn’t know how to face him or why he’s suddenly here. He didn’t expect this. 

Minghao has on light pants and a dark sweater with woven designs. His face is tight and he has dark shadows beneath his eyes. His mouth is pinched and his eyes water as they rove over Seungcheol. Cheol feels a trembling along his legs and in his heart. He doesn’t want Hao to see him like this and he most definitely doesn’t want to see Hao cry. He’s in no fucking position to see Minghao cry. He doesn’t even understand why Hao would want to cry or why Minghao decided to come in here, knowing this is the bathroom nearest Seungcheol’s bedroom. Cheol assumed that Minghao would avoid him for all he was worth today. 

“Hyung.” Hao breathes out on a wavery breath. His mouth twists and trembles and Seungcheol can’t stand it. He steps forward to comfort him, doesn’t even have to think about it, but then hesitates on the last step because he doesn’t know what Hao wants. If his touch is even welcome. 

Hao closes the distance for them. He falls into Cheol’s arms, burying his face in Cheol’s neck, practically cowering into him. He sobs into Cheol’s skin, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I never wanted you to be sad, hyung. I never wanted to hurt you.”

He realizes that Jun must have told him or else Hao was listening in through the door. Minghao being Minghao would never miss an opportunity to comfort a member, especially if he’s anywhere close to being the cause of the other’s pain. Cheol bunches his fingers into Hao’s sweater, threading the other hand through his hair. He feels tears at his eyes and a sob tickle his throat but he holds it back. “Baby. It’s okay. I’m fine. You’re fine. I promise.”

Jeonghan looks at him with hopeful and weary eyes before ushering the other two out and following after them, letting the door slip shut behind him.

Hao’s still clinging to him, crying into his neck while Cheol pets his hair and whispers soothing words into his ear. Hao finally pulls back, eyes swollen and face red and still so pretty. 

“Hyung, I never meant to hurt you or disregard your feelings. But that’s exactly what I did. I’m so sorry. I was selfish and a coward and I-I didn’t know what to say to you or how to say it. I was just so confused and scared, hyung. I was so awful last night.”

“No, Hao. No, you weren’t.” He runs his thumb over his cheekbone, “I understand. I shouldn’t have pushed you. I should have waited.” 

Hao shakes his head adamantly, “Don’t baby me, hyung! I know when I messed up.” He exhales shakily before continuing, the tears thick in his voice, “Hyung, it’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You have nothing to apologize for. I’m an adult but I wasn’t acting like one. I wanna talk about it now, hyung. I’ll listen.” 

Cheol swallowed, “Are you sure?” 

He nods hurriedly, “Yes, Coups hyung.” A tentative and almost sheepish smile forms on his face, “Can we go somewhere besides the bathroom first?” 

A breathless laugh leaves Cheol before he nods and brushes his finger along his cheek again. “Of course. Whatever you want or need. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, Hao. I think I’ve already failed in that regard but it’s the last thing I want.”

He takes Hao’s hand and leads him out to his bedroom. Thankfully, it’s empty and he shuts the door behind them. They both sit on the edge of the mattress, shoulders touching, before both turning so they can face the other.

Cheol weaves his fingers together uneasily before Hao takes both of his hands into his. “I’m never uncomfortable with you. It’s okay, hyungie. You don’t have to be scared.” He whispers the words very softly, squeezing his hands.

He nods slowly, looking at Minghao’s face and seeing nothing but resolve and a little fear and the lingering sadness from earlier. He can’t even express how much weight lifted from him just from Minghao saying that to him, reassuring him when he obviously needs it most. Hao was always really good at that. 

He inhales before saying, “Okay.” He takes in the strength and firmness of Hao’s hands around his own. “Here goes then.” He blows a breath out of his lungs. “I don’t know when it started exactly. I just know it’s been a long time since I looked at you and realized I was in love with you. That I wanted you in all forms, in all ways.”

Minghao opens his mouth hesitantly. Seungcheol interjects, “You can say or ask anything you want. Always.” 

Minghao stares at him before saying, “Okay. I just - you said you didn’t know when it started, but I really wanted to know how long you’ve felt this way, hyung.” 

“I honestly don’t think it was that long after debut that I started to like you.”

Minghao’s mouth gapes open, “Coups hyung,” he says incredulously. 

Cheol smiles wistfully, “I know it’s crazy. But ever since I met you, there was something there that I could never stop thinking about. Never stop going back to. I don’t know exactly what it is about you. You have so many amazing qualities. You’ve always been so stunning to me, Hao. I-I don’t know. I just looked at you and I loved you.” 

A soft knock sounds on the door. Minghao is still staring at him with this look of utter disbelief on his face. Cheol calls out and Jeonghan peeks his head in around the edge of the door. He grimaces, “Really sorry to interrupt, but we have to go. We’ve all stalled as long as we could.”

Cheol sighs before nodding. He had forgotten all about their schedule today after Minghao had walked in. “It’s fine. We’ll be out in a minute.” Jeonghan glances from one to the other uneasily before nodding, “We’ll be in the vans.” He steps back and lets the door fall shut. 

Cheol glances down at himself before groaning. Minghao blinks before asking, “What is it?”   
Cheol looks back up at him, motioning at himself, “I’m still in my sweats. I’m not even dressed yet and we’re already late.” He sighs before continuing, “My face is also atrocious this morning. The stylist noona’s are going to kill me.” 

Minghao smiles hesitantly, “You do look terrible. But don’t worry about it. We know all too well that makeup works wonders. And you’ll have to change when we get there anyways.” 

Cheol lifts a brow, “So, if you were in my position, you would go looking like this?” 

That spark that is so distinctly Minghao comes back into his eyes and Cheol feels utter relief and the stirrings of warmth at seeing it directed at him again. A smirk comes upon Hao’s face, “In all honesty, hyung, I don’t know if it’s possible for me to look that bad.” 

Cheol rolls his eyes before laughing, feeling warm and delighted. “I really can’t argue with you on that.” 

Minghao giggles, dipping his head to rest against Cheol’s shoulder. When he looks back up at Cheol, his face is a lot closer and his eyes go wide when they meet his. Hao says quietly, “We should probably go before we both get into trouble.” 

Cheol nods almost reluctantly. He stands with Minghao, still unwilling to takes his eyes away. “Can we finish talking about this later today?” He feels really nervous and unsure. He’s not sure where they stand now. 

Hao nods, taking his hand again, “Of course, hyung.” He smiles softly, “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Cheol swallows before nodding and pulling Hao after him through the door. Their hands seem to intertwine of their own accord and it feels nice, reassuring. Before they take a step down the hall, Hao stops him, pulling on his hand. 

Cheol turns, looking up at his face. His eyes are cast down and his lower lip is encased between his teeth. “Coups hyung, I know I already apologized but I just wanted to make sure you knew how sorry I was - about everything.” 

Cheol smiles softly, “Of course I do, Hao. And I forgive you, you have nothing to worry about in that regard.” 

Minghao nods, looking back up. “I’m glad you forgive me and that you’re not angry with me but...I hurt you, hyungie. I hurt you and I haven’t forgiven myself for it. I just want you to know that I’m not going to act like it never happened and just sweep it under the rug and I don’t want you to do that either.”

Seungcheol stares at him for a moment in almost awe at how mature Minghao is being, at how seriously he’s taking this and thinking about Seungcheol’s feelings. “I admit that I was really hurt that you ignored me but I understand your feelings for doing so and I really appreciate you taking the time to understand my own now.” 

He simply nods, a timid expression on his face before leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to Cheol’s cheek. He leans back slowly, peering into Cheol’s face only to giggle, obviously surprised at how startled Seungcheol must look. Cheol knows his eyes are really wide, his mouth open and useless. 

Minghao grins, “We should really go now before our managers kill us.”

Cheol nods mutely as Hao pulls them down the hall before releasing his hand in front of the door. A suspicious smile snakes over Hao’s mouth, “Last one to the vans takes full blame.” He rushes out all too quickly, sprinting outside to the idling vans. Cheol is yet again standing there gaping, something all too fond swirling inside him as he watches Hao smile cutely at the manager and glance back at Cheol with a giggle before slipping into the first van. 

Cheol can’t help but laugh before hurrying out. Their manager meets his gaze with a resigned expression. 

“I’m really sorry. Personal crisis.” He grimaces apologetically and with an embarrassed flush to his cheeks. The manager just sighs before motioning him to get inside the second van. Once the door slides shut, he notices Joshua’s in this van. Jisoo’s eyes widen before he quickly pushes close to Cheol, grasping onto him. “Are you okay? What happened? What did Hao say?” 

He can see the other members in the van: Soonyoung, Wonwoo, Chan, and Seungkwan. They lean across the seats with wide, weary eyes. Cheol fidgets, glancing at them. Soonyoung looks sheepish as he says, “I might have blurted out what you said when they were questioning me. I’m really sorry, hyung. I panicked and now, well, everyone knows.” 

Cheol cringes and Joshua slings his arm around Cheol’s shoulders, squeezing. “It was going to happen eventually, Cheolie.” 

Cheol nods. He knows it’s foolish to try to keep it a secret still when the cat has practically been thrown out of the bag. “It’s okay, Soonyoung-ah.” He sees Soonyoung relax slightly and smiles. 

Joshua ventures tentatively, “So…”

A furtive smile comes across Cheol’s lips. “I think everything’s going to be okay.”

Joshua grins, “Yeah?”

Cheol nods, “Yeah. I mean, I’m still not exactly sure where we stand, especially Hao, but he’s not upset with me or uncomfortable and that's the most important thing. We’re supposed to talk more later today.”

“Cheolie, that’s so good. I’m so happy. I’m not gonna lie, we were all terrified. Me and Hannie have been a mess, worrying about you.” 

He laughed softly, “You don’t have to worry about me. I don’t want any of you to worry about me - ever. I promise I’m fine. Everything’s gonna be fine.”

Cheol really hoped that to be true. 

***

As they got makeup and hair done and were hustled into changing rooms, Cheol couldn’t help but notice the uneasiness surrounding all the members. He again blamed himself for putting such a tense and unfamiliar atmosphere over the group when they were so busy working and required all the focus they had at their disposal. Some of the members made an effort to act normal and make everyone laugh and it warmed Cheol’s heart to see them trying to deflect some of the attention away from him and Hao and try to dispel the tension. 

The stylist noona’s did scold him for appearing the way he did. One proclaimed he looked like an utter trainwreck. One mentioned a homeless man. Seungcheol couldn’t really do anything to plead his case but to apologize. He was almost in awe when they were through with him. It obviously wasn’t the best visual he had ever sported but it was a total 180 from earlier. The stylist noona’s were goddesses and he had no problem telling them so. 

Their photo sessions were split into sections: individual, unit, and group shots. They were no strangers to photo shoots and got through it with a level of professionalism and effort that Seungcheol took great pride in. One of the photographers showed him some of the photos after the shoot was complete. One of Hao’s individual shots caught his attention. Minghao was dressed in black and blue with dark makeup around his eyes that made them appear so very big and slanted, luminous almost. Seunghcheol wanted to die. That seemed to be par for the course any time Minghao was involved. 

The managers took them to a back room where they had a large lunch spread on a table. The members practically descended on the food like a swarm of hungry vultures. As Cheol reached the front of the table, he felt a tapping on his shoulder. He glanced behind him and then utterly froze. Minghao was behind him in all his fully styled hair and makeup glory. He smiled softly, “I was wondering if you wanted to eat outside with me. So we could maybe continue our conversation.” Seungcheol felt just about every nerve he possessed vibrate or tingle or something equally ridiculous. 

He nodded, “Yeah, yeah, of course. That sounds great.” 

Not really, Cheol thinks. It sounds terrifying and I thought I would have more to time to think about what I should say to you to make this better but you’re asking me to go now and when have I ever said no to you? His thoughts are a jumble as he vaguely registers Hao nod and motion to the door leading to an outside patio before walking away and out through said door. 

Cheol clenches his jaw and looks down at the food in his hands and in no way thinks he will be able to eat it but takes it with him anyways as he follows Minghao outside. 

It’s not too hot outside. There’s a gentle breeze and the roof overhangs to provide some shade from the sun. It’s bright and warm and very green. There are flower petals scattered on the patio floor from a big potted plant in the corner. Only one blossom remains and it looks slightly wilted from the heat. 

Minghao is seated at a small, metallic two-seater. He’s spreading out his food, opening his water and taking a sip before glancing up and seeing Cheol just standing there. 

He smiles wearily, “Why are you just staring?” 

If it was yesterday afternoon, Seungcheol would hit him with the best pickup line he had. But it’s today’s afternoon and a lot of things have happened since yesterday so he simply goes and sits in the other chair, muttering out a quiet, “Sorry, just thinking.” 

Cheol busies himself with his own food, noticing Minghao beginning to eat from his. He guzzles from his water bottle as Hao glances at him, then up and away. There’s an awkwardness now that has never been there when they’ve been alone together. It’s only natural that there would be but Seungcheol doesn’t have to like it. 

He starts, clearing his throat, “Do you have any more questions before I say anything else?”

Minghao swallows before shaking his head, “No, hyung. Please, say whatever you need to say.”

He doesn’t see any way to continue this conversation that wouldn’t be slightly weird or uncomfortable for both parties so he just delves in. “Okay, um, now you know that I’m in love with you and that I have been for quite some time. But you don’t know when I decided to tell you or how.” He tilts his head, “There have been a lot of moments where I wanted to tell you. Like I said, I knew that I liked you not long after pre-debut but I didn’t realize it was love until our second year.” He laughs quietly, “It was a really big deal for me, Hao, because I’d never been in love with anyone before. You are the first person I’ve ever fallen in love with in a strictly non-platonic way. I was insanely attracted to you - your appearance and your personality. We’re so different and yet every time I looked at you I just had this huge notion that you and I were meant to be. Like written in the stars or something equally cringeworthy.”

Minghao averts his eyes, a slight flush on his cheeks. “I can’t believe this, hyung.” He laughed almost nervously before continuing, “You know, all of the members had a bet going to guess who you were dating because you had stopped flirting with people or having random hookups. I bet everyone's mind would be blown to find out I was the reason why.”

Seungcheol laughed, gaping at Hao. “Seriously? I can’t even really act that surprised. It sounds like something you guys would do.” He smiles sheepishly, “But yeah, you are the reason why. I slept around whenever we had time just like everyone else did near the beginning. I eventually stopped because it didn’t feel right anymore. I wanted you Hao and it felt wrong to be with anyone else when I was in love with you, even when I knew that you were still sleeping with other people and didn’t have the slightest clue as to how I felt. And I think that was the turning point, when I realized I was so far gone that I was having trouble finishing during sex unless I imagined the other person was you.” 

Cheol glances up at Hao and finds him with wide eyes. Cheol’s jaw drops, “Fuck, Hao. Sorry, I shouldn’t have been that honest or direct about-”

Minghao waves his hand, “No, hyung, really it’s okay. It’s just shocking is all. It’s - It’s all new to me.” 

He nods wearily before Minghao laughs, “Really, hyung, it’s okay. So you decided to tell me after that?”

“Yes. I wanted to tell you for a while but never had the courage until Hannie found out.” 

Minghao chokes, “Jeonghan hung knew?”

Seungcheol nods with a chuckle, “He figured it out. I was surprised more people hadn’t. Jeonghan, of course, told Jisoo, which was fine. But then, Jihoonie found out, and then Jun.” 

Minghao really chokes then. Coughing, he blurts out, “Wait, Jun hyung knew?”

Cheol nods sheepishly, “Yeah. He guessed that day I asked you to go to the park with me. He said he wouldn’t tell you unless you directly asked.” He swallows, “Everyone who found out decided to help me make you realize my feelings for you. And, well, here we are.”

Minghao laughs, “Congratulations to all of you for succeeding.” 

“I don’t know if we succeeded. Getting you to realize how I felt wasn’t the end goal. It was getting you to return my feelings.”

Minghao stares at him silently before saying, “Oh.” 

Cheol shifts in his seat, “Yeah. Look, Hao, I love you. I always will but I want you to be happy above everything else. So, if you want to try and forget this ever happened and try to mend our friendship, we can absolutely do that, okay?”

“Cheol hyung.”

He looks up at Minghao and there’s a look he doesn’t recognize on his face. “Yeah?”

He glances down at his plate and then back to Cheol, “Hyung, I wish you had told me sooner. Maybe back when we were so young. Maybe we could have fallen in love together. I don’t know. I just - I never imagined this. I mean, hyung, you’re you and I’m me. It makes no sense.” He shakes his head slightly before continuing, “I wish I had known. I’ve probably done so many things that hurt you without me realizing. And to hurt you would never be my intention, hyung. I’ve always loved you and admired you so much. And I’ve always found you attractive but I never entertained the idea of you and I because I just didn’t see any sense in it. But after hearing everything you just said, it’s starting to make a lot more sense. And I’m so sorry for reacting the way I did last night, hyungie. I was scared and so confused but that’s no excuse.”

He bites his lip and reaches out a hand across the table. Cheol readily responds, latching onto his beautiful golden hand. Artist’s hands. “That being said, I think I should explain why I reacted so badly. Because there’s a lot more to it.”

Cheol nods, “Whatever you’re comfortable with telling me.” 

Hao smiles, “You know that I’m bisexual, but I didn’t always know that about myself. When I first came here from China, I was still adamant that I was only attracted to girls. I had only ever been with girls and I ignored the part of myself that might have stared too long when an attractive boy was in my proximity.” Hao smirks, “Anyways, when I met you, that became a lot harder because I kind of developed a huge crush on you back then, Cheol hyung. I thought you were so handsome and cool and I tried to convince myself that it was just admiration but then I had dreams about me kissing you and I...I hated myself for that for a really long time. I thought you would hate me too if you knew.” He swallowed, “But then I overheard you saying that you were gay. That you had always known it was guys for you and I thought it would make me not like you anymore, because it’s what I hated about myself, me liking guys too. But instead it only made my crush on you that much worse because that meant something with you was actually possible.” He laughs shakily, “To make a long story short, you’re the reason why I finally accepted that part of myself and how I got the courage to finally approach guys. I was so much happier after that, hyung, you have no idea. And I wouldn’t say I moved on from you but I accepted that my feelings for you were simply for the purpose of getting me to where I am now and that was all. I never would have thought you liked me too. I mean I was just a kid back then, really. I certainly wouldn’t have liked myself.” He clears his throat, “But I never stopped liking you, hyung. And you had done so much for me, without even knowing the half of it. I’ve been in love with you for years hyung, but the idea of a relationship with you scared me beyond belief. You mean so much to me and I just thought this was some kind of cosmic joke. The man that made me go from hating myself to accepting and loving myself in one of the scariest and loneliest times of my life...I couldn’t accept it. I didn’t believe it.”

Seungcheol felt utterly frozen in disbelief. He waited until Hao glanced up again to meet his eyes before saying, “I feel like such an idiot.” 

Minghao laughed, “We’re both idiots. How did we both have no idea?”

Cheol grinned, “Because we’re idiots.” His eyes roved over Hao’s shy expression, “I can’t believe you went through all that with your sexuality. I wish I could have been there for you. Did you talk to anyone about it?”

He shook his head, “No one knew. I was afraid to tell anybody. But once I accepted it about myself, I had no problems being open about my preferences but you’re the first person that knows about how conflicted I was back then.” 

Cheol squeezes his hand. “Thank you for telling me, Hao.” 

Minghao nods with a warm smile, “I - I wish I confessed to you back then. You do realize we could have been together this entire time?”

Seungcheol nods, “If I’m being honest, it’s all I’ve been able to think about since you said you had a crush on me.”

Minghao giggles and Cheol can’t help but think it’s his favorite sound in the world. Hao’s voice is tinged in what sounds like awe as he says, “The way you’re looking at me...I can’t fucking believe it. You really love me. I can see it now.”

“You have no idea, Hao. I mean I don’t want to scare you away but it’s pretty bad.” 

Minghao grinned, “So does this mean we’re gonna start dating now?”

“Hell, yes.” Cheol smiles sheepishly, “Well, if you want, that is.”

“Of course, I want to be with you, hyung.”

Cheol tries to stand up and ends up tripping over the leg of the chair before making his way over to where Hao is sitting. Hao is staring at him, still smiling, all soft and beautiful, as Cheol kneels on the hard concrete of the patio with the wilted flower petals beneath him. He swallows, “Are you a hundred percent certain this is what you want?” 

There’s that look again. The look he can’t recognize, like awe and love and lust and warmth and something soft all contained in one glance. “I want you, Cheol hyung. I have for years”.

They’re at almost eye level with Hao sitting and Cheol kneeling. Cheol reaches out and cups Hao’s face with his hand, sliding his fingers along the skin in a caress. 

“Please.” Hao whispers it and Cheol utterly melts. He leans up and presses his lips to Hao’s, eliciting a small sound from Hao that Cheol swallows. Hao’s hands slip over his shoulders, fingers digging into the rough fabric of his shirt. Cheol pulls him forward, pressing their bodies closer. He pushes his tongue into Hao’s mouth and Hao opens for him. Minghao mirrors him and they kiss and taste each other while the heat from the sun hits their skin and the wind picks up some of the tiny petals from the patio and carries them away. Hao pulls away first, gasping, and Cheol just stares up at him in unabashed reverence. Minghao leans down and Cheol thinks he’s about to kiss him again but his lips meet Cheol’s neck instead and Cheol sucks in a startled breath. Hao kisses down Cheol’s neck, slow and wet and soft. Hao leans back and meets his eyes. His lips are bright red and swollen as he says, “Let’s never stop doing that.”

Cheol laughs, tangling their fingers together because Cheol may or may not be obsessed with how pretty Hao’s hands look encased or wrapped around his own. “I agree. Let’s just always make out. Forget everything else. I’m sure the members won’t mind.”

That gets a giggle out of him to his delight, “If only. But we need to get back. My phone has been buzzing this entire time. I’m pretty sure everyone is looking for us.”

If only, Cheol silently agrees. Minghao stands, stretching out his limbs before unlatching Cheol’s hands to start collecting the remnants of their lunch. The metallic table is hot from the sun now and a lone, pink petal has blown up onto the surface of it. 

Cheol opens the door for him as they both walk inside, stuffing the trash into the big trash bags set out for the members. 

Minghao’s dark hair brushes his cheeks, his eyelashes fluttering as he blinks when he leans down to pick up a paper cup that happened to miss the trash bag. He looks so pretty and Cheol is still floating from the fact that Hao has been in fucking love with Cheol - has wanted him all this time, just like Seungcheol has wanted Hao. It’s so mind boggling and miraculous and Cheol never thought he could be this lucky. Again he thinks about everything he has been gifted with in this life: debuting as a leader of Seventeen, getting to make music and perform it in front of thousands of fans, not only that but getting to do it with his twelve other best friends, and now getting fucking Xu Minghao who he’s been in love with for what seems like forever. 

Thinking this, it’s easy to sidle up against Hao and wrap his arms around his slim waist and hold his long frame against his stockier one and press a kiss to his neck. Minghao stiffens before going pliant and leaning back against him. He breathes a slight chuckle, all fluttery and soft, “What was that for?”

Cheol just mumbles, “You’re too pretty.”

He can hear the smile in Minghao’s voice as he responds, “So are you.” 

Cheol guffaws, “Not nearly as pretty as you.” He sways his hips slightly, moving from side to side, almost as if they were dancing together. Hao’s fingers find his and intertwine like they’re arrows or vines and they were made to fit his. Cheol’s fingers are his target or the tree for his to climb. 

“If you say so, hyung.” Minghao whispers.

Cheol tightens his hold on him before murmuring into his hair that smells so nice and that Cheol can't get enough of, “You’re stunning, Minghao. And I’ll tell you as long as you let me.”


End file.
